Sunday, November 29, 2009

"...Is this the way it's really going down..."

Today's post is a guest post by my favorite person, Fashionista0921.

Fashionista, whether she realizes it or not, is a such a feminist in how she has dealt with everything these past months. She turned inward. She became introspective. And she focused on herself instead of turning into one of those stark, raving mad "women scorned" that society wants and expects every woman to become after a breakup. For this, I bestow upon her an honorary doctorate in Feminist Theory from PT University. :-)



I recent article over at the New York Times over here got me thinking... to Facebook or not to Facebook?!

About 9 or so months ago, you all know by now that my person and I took a break. We had known each other for over two years and were officially dating for a year and seven months. Times got a bit tough and we decided to take a break, a break I thought I knew would end with us back together. But that didn't happen. While on Facebook one day, I discovered he was in a new relationship, which tore my soul and heart to pieces. How could the person I thought I wanted to spend forever with do this to me? Did the really happen to me?

As you from my previous posting on PT, this was one of the hardest and most rewarding times of my life. As much as I think no one should go through the feelings of heart break and self doubt as I went though, it really made me realize alot of things about myself. Through it all, I discovered how strong and amazing I am. I know now what I wish I would have realized then. Things aren't going to work out with this past relationship, but I now know what I want and what I diserve in a partner. I'm im terrified, excited, and freaked-out as hell to start dating again. But I'm mostly excited to see what's in store for me.

This all beings me to the question- To Facebook or not to Facebook?

After Facebook crushed my heart, I asked PT to change my password and not tell me. I still wanted to remain on Facebook but I didnt want to have the opportunity to stalk my past person, his and our friends, and his new person. I couldn't watch his new life unfold before my eyes - a life at the time that I still wanted to be a part of. The most important part of my healing process came when I told PT to pull the plug, to delete my Facebook account completely. And it sure as hell felt good. I've been Facebook free for about 4 months or so, and it has been great.

But recently, I have been thinking about bringing it back.

I've lost touch with some friends and relatives, and I'm starting to think that maybe its hindering myself in entering the dating world. Guys I meet can't stalk me on Facebook. They can't find out if we have mutual friends, what people are writing on my way or even what crazy bumper sticker someone has given me. Hell, I dont even know what Facebook can tell you about people these days, but I'm sure its TMI.

I know this all sounds crazy, but I think guys are timid to approach a girl without first feeling a sense of comfort and an acceptance that is a girl is interested in you. Maybe Facebook does this for our generation. Maybe finding out information about a person before you ask them out is a comfort level we are all getting a bit too comfortable with. Isn't that what dating is all about? Discovering a person?

Writing this has helped me flesh things out and I think I've answered my own question - I'm not going to return Facebook anytime soon. But you can catch me at my blog or on Twitter (@fashionista0921)

But what do you think... Facebook or not?

(This post totally made me feel like SJP typing away abot relationships on her mac. WIN!)

1 comment:

Lioness said...

Yes, I pulled the plug on my facebook once, but it didn't last long. haha. A lot of people delete fbook and then get it back.