Tuesday, August 25, 2009

"...I have become cumbersome..."

Warning: this post is full of angst, swearing and confidence issues.

Once upon a time, I was a gym-head.

Like, a hard core "I know how to use every weight machine and do intense looking things with free weights" gym-head. Like, a "LOVE to weight-lift" gym-head.

I was THAT girl at the gym that worked out next to all the hard-core guys while the other chicks pounded their joints on the treadmills.

I had a high, tight ass and a flat, non-jiggly stomach.

*sigh* How things have changed.

Now, the thing is, I would rather do weight-training than cardio ANY DAY OF THE WEEK. I fucking hate cardio. HATE.

However, after a year and a half absence from the gym, I find myself lacking ALL of the confidence and swagger at my new gym that I used to have when it came to weight-training at my old gym.

I didn't give a shit if someone watched me or if a dude with biceps the size of my thigh asked to work in with me while I was doing sets. But that was before.

Since I joined this new gym three weeks ago, I've been scanning my card and scampering quickly to the cardio room where I kill myself on the elliptical, all the while daydreaming about doing weight training.

This morning, I finally braved the weight room at my new gym. The weight-training itself felt amazing. It, at the risk of sounding maudlin, felt like a homecoming.

But, during my last exercise - this crazy move called a "teapot" that works abs while you're standing - I saw someone looking at me and quit before I was done with my third and final set, grabbed my keys and left.


Where did my confidence go?

Honestly, I know where it went - it went down the shitter along with my willpower to not eat pasta and bread.

I know where to find it - in my currently too small yoga pants I used to work out in 20 pounds ago.

Now all I need is to force myself to keep lifting even though I hate the body I see in the mirror right now.

One day about a month down the road, I'll look in that mirrow and find myself looking better, right?

Saturday, August 22, 2009

"...a week of rolling eyes and cheap shots from the trite..."

I've given more thought to this dramatic haircut business.

There's a French Coiffure salon right by my store and it was very highly reccommended to me by one of my fabulous co-workers.

I'm thinking Audrey Tautou in Amelie:

But less cutesy. And a bit longer. And less bang-y. (HA! Bangy.) And then I realized that if I'm looking for less cutesy, more length and less bangs that means that's not the haircut I'm looking for at all.

So I started Googling "French Coiffure" and sweet baby Jeebus, the results were FANTASTIC.


I vote for Coiffure #1. I think it's the slightly pained expression of the model that has me hooked. Discuss.

Friday, August 21, 2009

"...waaaaaait, they don't love you like I love you..."

I really don't have much to discuss, bebes.

It's been one of those weeks where so much has happened and my thoughts have been so muddled that I'm just kinda like, "meh" about everything due to emotional overload. Nothing bad has happened. Just your typical life stuff.


Also, I can't get that Yeah Yeah Yeahs song out of my head. Don't get me wrong, I love that song. But...


I think it's time to get a hair cut. I'm one of those "once or twice a year" haircut people. I usually only cut my hair when I get like this. So cuts are always dramatic changes for me. I haven't been this "meh" in so long... as a result, my hair is long, as seen in my Blogger profile pic. I'm thinking short, stacked bob with swoopy bangs. Maybe it'll make me feel less "meh."


::wanders away...::

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

"...so fly one time, flyyyy one time..."

None of you will believe this but I kid you not there is an impromptu ragtime band playing outside of my store. It consists of an old dude playing a trombone, a young hipster playing a banjo and a band geek type playing a clarinet.


And that's all I have to say about that.

In other news, I'm headed to the gym after work to burn off the pizza I ate for lunch and to work off the aggression that has been building up all day for various reasons.

It's true what they say - exercise does boost your state of mind.

Whatever. I'm just glad there are tv's on all of the cardio machines so I can watch America's Funniest Home videos while I sweat. Seeing someone get hit in the face or fall head first into like, a swimming pool makes me feel so good about myself and the state of my life.

Later, bebes!

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

"...hot town summer in the city back of my neck gettin' dirty and gritty..."

Holy god damn it is so effing hot in Pittsburgh this week.

How hot is it?

It's "I'm not even going to bother wearing eyeliner or eyeshadow because my eyeballs are sweaty" hot. I feel so naked with just mascara on. Also, I look like I'm 15 and oddly masculine. Behold:

It's "I'm jealous of babies because they get powdered and put in a onesie in weather like this" hot.

It's "I feel like my body is going to overheat and shut down like my failure of an HP laptop" hot.

It's "Get the fuck away from me, it's too hot to cuddle" hot.

It's "Omg I can't wait for winter" hot.



Monday, August 3, 2009

"...I will hold you for as long as you like, I'll hold you for the rest of my life..."

I was away all weekend and as a result had a lot of internet to catch up on this morning.

On my walk in to work, I made the decision to join the gym that is two blocks from my store. No excuse about not going. I have to walk past it to get home.

I couldn't wait to get online and send a Tweet to Jen over at PriorFatGirl to tell her! I wanted to let her know how motivating she is (100 lbs lost in 2 years!) and how reading her blog has motivated me to get off the couch again and kick my fat jeans to the dumpster! I became lazy this past year and let 20 pounds creep on to my bones. It took a couple weeks of reading Jen's blog to realize how much I missed the gym and personal training and weightlifting.

I logged in to Twitter and Blogger only to find horrible news:

Jen's mom had been killed in a terrible accident over the weekend. She was walking in her neighborhood and was struck by a car backing out of a driveway.

Keep Jen in your thoughts. She is hurting.