Tuesday, March 24, 2009

"...sugar (do-do-do-do-do-do) ohhh honey honey you are my candy girl..."

I've never been very good about sticking to an honest to god diet. For about two years, I was hard core about calorie restriction (1100 cal a day) and two hour workouts because I was hanging out with a friend who was the same way. I had a partner in crime. For one of those years, I was a heartbroken fucked up mess. Since I'm an emotional non-eater I would maybe force down a cookie and drink a bottle of pepsi. All day. Because of the heartbreak, you see. And then go lift weights for an hour and kill myself on the treadmill.

When I'm happy (as I am now) I'm all "Wee! Let's order a pizza! And make brownies for dessert! And skip the gym/post dinner walk!" Which is ironic since my parents are big emotional eaters. My sisters and I are the complete opposite.

Now, for as thankful as I am to be out of those dark days of "situational depression due to emotional stress," my fat ass and chubby thighs kind of long for the days two years ago when I was skinny mini. Yes, it was unhealthy. But damn, I was HOT for the first time in my life. Now I'm all soft and pudgy around the edges again. I don't have a six pack any more and my bras are a little tighter.

Which is not to say that I'm completely disgusted with the soft, pudgy bits. My boobs are certainly bigger now than they were when I was two sizes smaller. And the running is making the muscles wake up again and now in anticipation of the brownies I'll eat at night, I run three miles in the morning. I'm hoping the running benefits overtake the downfalls of the fatty snacks.

Honestly, exercising is a great way to still eat what you want and not feel guilty about it. If you run a 5K every morning, why the fuck should anyone tell you you don't deserve that chocolate milkshake?

And besides, I have a boyfriend who happens to like the soft, pudge covered muscles. How can you have both the muscle and the pudge if you don't go for a run and then drink a milkshake right?

I just want a little less pudge is all. Without losing the "full-B-cup-for-the-first-time-in-my-life" boobies again. It's not too much to ask for is it?

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