Wednesday, January 28, 2009

"...so let go, let go, jump in..."

I had that procedure done on my girly bits yesterday.


UNPLEASANT.

So first of all, I'll get the biopsy results back in a week.

But second of all, holy fucking Christ. The pain. My god the pain. I'm not one of those chicks who gets all bent out of shape and lightheaded about a turned ankle or a cut or a bruise. So for me to say "holy fucking Christ, that hurt" means you can be assured that it did in fact hurt like whoa. Not only was "snipping" of the cervix involved, there was also scrapping and another pap smear with that mean, bristly mascara wand looking shit. Naturally. And I am also supposed to anticipate having "bleeding akin to menstrual bleeding" for 2 or 3 more days. Naturally.

I contend that if this procedure was done on men, it'd probably done under some sort of sedation or at least local numby-stuff. And they'd prob get prescription pain killers to use afterwards. Me? All I got was a "stay off your feet today" advisory and a pat on the knee and I was on my way home (where I promptly loaded up on Motrin and passed out with a heating pad.)


And another thing, the mean cold duck lips are NOT one size fits all vaginas. Yes, the mean medical instrument company does make a smaller set of mean cold duck lips. Yes, your OB/Gyn does have them. "Oh my, you have a tiny vagina, let me use the smaller speculum instead." Yes, Doctor, please do. But please, by all means, keep trying to use the standard size first EVERY. TIME. YOU. EXAMINE. ME. [Source]

And do the duck lips HAVE to make a sound like a fucking ratchet tie down when the doctor gets it all up in your girly bits and cranks the mean cold duck lips open? Huh?

I must say that having Sara and my parents and Jason with me throughout the day made things better. I don't imagine I was a fun person to be around yesterday what with the crying and whining and generally bitchery.

There. I'm done.


::PT wanders off for a salty snack, a brownie and another cup of coffee. Don't judge, she's recovering. :-)::

1 comment:

Susan said...

I am having a salty snack, a brownie, and a cup of coffee in solidarity.